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melange1's spork. Poor guy. Harry is so outstandingly stupid here that I truly pity melange1. Newsflash, Rowling--a person doesn't have to be dumb to get into dramatic situations!
***
Chapter Nineteen: The Silver Doe
At the beginning of this chapter, Harry has a terrible dream where Nagini slithers through a Christmas wreath. Try to figure that one out. Hermione is reading A History of Magic, yet again. How many times must she have read this by now? What a Sue. Then the bumps in the night start. Oh, boy. If the sneak-o-scope isn’t blinking, then it’s not a bad person. Gee, that wasn’t too hard to figure out. So then they apparate again. How long is this camping trip going to last, I wonder.
And of course Suemione knows exactly where they are, the Forest of Dean. It’s not like there are a lot of forests in the world or anything. Apparently, Suemione comes with a built-in GPS. Also, does this sentence seem sexual to anyone else? The usual tightness engulfed them. Sounds a bit fishy to me. This follows with Hermione providing yet again a solution to their problem. Shouldn’t Harry have to do some of the work here? Apparently so, because he insists on Hermione going to bed, taking the watch. Now, it is time for JKR to tell the reader every single thought that passes through Harry’s head during his watch. Is this necessary? In my creative writing class in high school, my teacher taught us that in our writing, we need to show, not tell. JKR could have used that class.
At this point Harry keeps falling asleep. That is not very good watchman behavior. But it doesn’t matter in the end, because even he can’t miss the bright, shiny doe. The first time I read this, I knew it was a Patronus, but Harry mulls over the possibility of it being a trap. You would think that someone who is supposed to defeat Voldemort should know the difference between dark magic and regular magic. Apparently not, however, for he goes running through the forest after the doe. Never mind that, if it is indeed a trap, they are basically fucked. Add this to the list of Reasons Why Harry Potter is Stupid.
When he finally catches up to the doe, he has a “question burning in him,” but she disappears. Now, of course he realizes that he really is fucked. Great job, Harry. After looking around, he sees what appears to be the Sword of Gryffindor in the pond. Can we say deus ex machina, everyone? Altogether now. Of course, the natural thing is to wonder how it got there. To answer that question, Harry yet again proves exactly how smart he really is. No, no one put it there, it was some hidden magic that drew them to that spot. Apparently Swords of Gryffindor can be readily found in pools of water throughout England. Oh wait, he used a bit of common sense here, but he still manages to confound the readers of the book with his stupidity.
Moving on, however, he thinks about what makes a true Gryffindor, and how it enabled him to pull the Sword of Gryffindor out of the hat, much in King Arthur fashion. *smacks Harry on the head with a 2x4 of common sense* Now is not the time to be flaunting your supposedly “daring, nerve and chivalry.” You can delude yourself all you want to, but you certainly have not fooled us readers. Then he has to be “honest with himself” with how to get the sword out of the pond. Seriously, people, my left ass cheek could have come up with better characterization. Harry doesn’t even know that when something that you need is at the bottom of a pool of water, you swim down to get it. Either that, or he is just whining. I vote for the latter. In this part we are presented with yet another one of what I like to call JKRisms, or obvious statements with no purpose whatsoever: “Contemplating the task ahead would not make it easier or the water warmer.” My Duh-o-Meter just broke.
Then comes the big drama. “Every pore of his body screamed in protest.” I’m not a biologist, but tell me, where do pores come into the picture? I seem to have missed that lesson. An entire paragraph detailing every bit of agony that Harry experiences during this attempted rescue of the sword follows. Personally, I think we should start a “Put Potter in Asylum for the Sake of the Common Good” campaign. No other person in the WORLD experiences so much drama and agony. But remember we are only misunderstanding him. Lars the Emo Kid would be proud.
During this little escapade, Harry, yet again, manages to be so stupid it makes even the reader’s brain hurt. He leaves the locket, which is obviously an instrument of dark magic, around his neck. Of course it’s going to try to strangle him, it senses its destroyer nearby. This is one of the many times in the series where I felt that Harry deserved to die. But that’s just not how it works, folks. Mr. Everyone-Thinks-I’m-Jealous-Of-Harry-But-I’m-Actually-Jealous-Of-Hermione has to save the day. At least he has some sense on him, and proceeds to chastise Harry for being stupid. Which is what we all should be doing right now. And for all time.
Also, further proof that Harry wants Ron. “The silver doe was nothing, nothing compared with Ron's reappearance; he could not believe it.” If Ron’s coming back is more important to Harry than finding the Sword of Gryffindor and destroying the Horcrux, then either his priorities are fucked up, or he wants Ron’s cock. JKR has clearly read slash. It starts getting really awkward soon: "’Well, I've -- you know -- I've come back. If --" He cleared his throat. "You know. You still want me.’” Of course Harry still wants you, Ron. He wants you badly.
Then the time comes to destroy the locket. For some reason, Harry thinks that Ron should be the one to do it. This could be because he has some weird sense of honor because Ron saved his life. That would be a Gryffindor quality, I suppose. But I really think that it was yet another JKR BPD (Blatant Plot Device) so we could get even more information about the depth of jealousy that Ron feels againstHermione Harry, which the locket so graciously provides for us. This would be interesting to see on the screen. The demonic forms of Harry and Hermione locked in a sweet embrace, while Ron looks on in utter jealousy. Of course, it doesn’t matter that Harry has basically asked Ron to do something that would put him through such mental anguish (because we all know that Harry Hermione is someone worth fighting for). Take that for consistency.
And Harry keeps yelling for Ron to just stab the darned thing. If it was really that easy, Harry, why don’t you just do it yourself!?!?! What a coward! We are also graced with yet another obvious statement from JKR: “He was shaking, but not, Harry realized, from cold.” If Harry gets even more insensitive to other people’s feelings, I think he is well on his way to becomingDarth Vader a dark wizard himself.
Harry of course reassures Ron that he loves Hermione like a sister, not as a lover. Well, Harry, that’s not going to do much good, because he’s actually in love with you! It didn’t surprise me at all when JKR revealed that Dumbledore is gay, because there’s so much gayness in the books already. It’s just a matter of explicitly revealing it.
After this debacle is over, they proceed back to the tent for the joyous reunion of Ron and Hermione. The fact that this gets so bad that Harry has to shield Ron from Hermione makes me laugh. I always thought Hermione was the cool, collected, common-sense type. I guess not. Add that to the list of JKR Characterization Blunders. She more than makes up for it, though, with her ever-present sarcasm and scathing wit. She doesn’t even seem to notice that Ron still cares for her, and he is sorry he left. Personally, I completely understand why he left. But I suppose that Hermione doesn’t consider others’ feelings at all. That’s how it appears to be.
Something interesting is brought to light (haha, I made a pun) here. The Deluminator, it appears, has more than one use. Of course, this use has never been seen or even made mention in the past, and it doesn’t even make complete sense, given it’s normal usage. Yay JKR BPDs! Those always make me laugh. It’s amazing how much of the plot of these books has to be driven by these BPDs. Not the mark of a good storyteller, let me assure you. Oh, and do you remember the bumps in the night from the beginning of the chapter? Well, that was Ron. Big surprise there. It’s just like Hermione and Harry to run away from what truly scares them. (Remember, you see, that Ron’s departure and return are more important than defeating Voldie.)
One last thing: it certainly is convenient that Ron has a spare wand for Harry. Interesting how these things always seem to work out in books. Well, there you have it, folks. Chapter nineteen, “The Silver Doe,” a.k.a. Why JKR Can’t Write, Part Bajillion. Are we ever going to see the end of this?
melange1's spork. Poor guy. Harry is so outstandingly stupid here that I truly pity melange1. Newsflash, Rowling--a person doesn't have to be dumb to get into dramatic situations!***
At the beginning of this chapter, Harry has a terrible dream where Nagini slithers through a Christmas wreath. Try to figure that one out. Hermione is reading A History of Magic, yet again. How many times must she have read this by now? What a Sue. Then the bumps in the night start. Oh, boy. If the sneak-o-scope isn’t blinking, then it’s not a bad person. Gee, that wasn’t too hard to figure out. So then they apparate again. How long is this camping trip going to last, I wonder.
And of course Suemione knows exactly where they are, the Forest of Dean. It’s not like there are a lot of forests in the world or anything. Apparently, Suemione comes with a built-in GPS. Also, does this sentence seem sexual to anyone else? The usual tightness engulfed them. Sounds a bit fishy to me. This follows with Hermione providing yet again a solution to their problem. Shouldn’t Harry have to do some of the work here? Apparently so, because he insists on Hermione going to bed, taking the watch. Now, it is time for JKR to tell the reader every single thought that passes through Harry’s head during his watch. Is this necessary? In my creative writing class in high school, my teacher taught us that in our writing, we need to show, not tell. JKR could have used that class.
At this point Harry keeps falling asleep. That is not very good watchman behavior. But it doesn’t matter in the end, because even he can’t miss the bright, shiny doe. The first time I read this, I knew it was a Patronus, but Harry mulls over the possibility of it being a trap. You would think that someone who is supposed to defeat Voldemort should know the difference between dark magic and regular magic. Apparently not, however, for he goes running through the forest after the doe. Never mind that, if it is indeed a trap, they are basically fucked. Add this to the list of Reasons Why Harry Potter is Stupid.
When he finally catches up to the doe, he has a “question burning in him,” but she disappears. Now, of course he realizes that he really is fucked. Great job, Harry. After looking around, he sees what appears to be the Sword of Gryffindor in the pond. Can we say deus ex machina, everyone? Altogether now. Of course, the natural thing is to wonder how it got there. To answer that question, Harry yet again proves exactly how smart he really is. No, no one put it there, it was some hidden magic that drew them to that spot. Apparently Swords of Gryffindor can be readily found in pools of water throughout England. Oh wait, he used a bit of common sense here, but he still manages to confound the readers of the book with his stupidity.
Moving on, however, he thinks about what makes a true Gryffindor, and how it enabled him to pull the Sword of Gryffindor out of the hat, much in King Arthur fashion. *smacks Harry on the head with a 2x4 of common sense* Now is not the time to be flaunting your supposedly “daring, nerve and chivalry.” You can delude yourself all you want to, but you certainly have not fooled us readers. Then he has to be “honest with himself” with how to get the sword out of the pond. Seriously, people, my left ass cheek could have come up with better characterization. Harry doesn’t even know that when something that you need is at the bottom of a pool of water, you swim down to get it. Either that, or he is just whining. I vote for the latter. In this part we are presented with yet another one of what I like to call JKRisms, or obvious statements with no purpose whatsoever: “Contemplating the task ahead would not make it easier or the water warmer.” My Duh-o-Meter just broke.
Then comes the big drama. “Every pore of his body screamed in protest.” I’m not a biologist, but tell me, where do pores come into the picture? I seem to have missed that lesson. An entire paragraph detailing every bit of agony that Harry experiences during this attempted rescue of the sword follows. Personally, I think we should start a “Put Potter in Asylum for the Sake of the Common Good” campaign. No other person in the WORLD experiences so much drama and agony. But remember we are only misunderstanding him. Lars the Emo Kid would be proud.
During this little escapade, Harry, yet again, manages to be so stupid it makes even the reader’s brain hurt. He leaves the locket, which is obviously an instrument of dark magic, around his neck. Of course it’s going to try to strangle him, it senses its destroyer nearby. This is one of the many times in the series where I felt that Harry deserved to die. But that’s just not how it works, folks. Mr. Everyone-Thinks-I’m-Jealous-Of-Harry-But-I’m-Actually-Jealous-Of-Hermione has to save the day. At least he has some sense on him, and proceeds to chastise Harry for being stupid. Which is what we all should be doing right now. And for all time.
Also, further proof that Harry wants Ron. “The silver doe was nothing, nothing compared with Ron's reappearance; he could not believe it.” If Ron’s coming back is more important to Harry than finding the Sword of Gryffindor and destroying the Horcrux, then either his priorities are fucked up, or he wants Ron’s cock. JKR has clearly read slash. It starts getting really awkward soon: "’Well, I've -- you know -- I've come back. If --" He cleared his throat. "You know. You still want me.’” Of course Harry still wants you, Ron. He wants you badly.
Then the time comes to destroy the locket. For some reason, Harry thinks that Ron should be the one to do it. This could be because he has some weird sense of honor because Ron saved his life. That would be a Gryffindor quality, I suppose. But I really think that it was yet another JKR BPD (Blatant Plot Device) so we could get even more information about the depth of jealousy that Ron feels against
And Harry keeps yelling for Ron to just stab the darned thing. If it was really that easy, Harry, why don’t you just do it yourself!?!?! What a coward! We are also graced with yet another obvious statement from JKR: “He was shaking, but not, Harry realized, from cold.” If Harry gets even more insensitive to other people’s feelings, I think he is well on his way to becoming
Harry of course reassures Ron that he loves Hermione like a sister, not as a lover. Well, Harry, that’s not going to do much good, because he’s actually in love with you! It didn’t surprise me at all when JKR revealed that Dumbledore is gay, because there’s so much gayness in the books already. It’s just a matter of explicitly revealing it.
After this debacle is over, they proceed back to the tent for the joyous reunion of Ron and Hermione. The fact that this gets so bad that Harry has to shield Ron from Hermione makes me laugh. I always thought Hermione was the cool, collected, common-sense type. I guess not. Add that to the list of JKR Characterization Blunders. She more than makes up for it, though, with her ever-present sarcasm and scathing wit. She doesn’t even seem to notice that Ron still cares for her, and he is sorry he left. Personally, I completely understand why he left. But I suppose that Hermione doesn’t consider others’ feelings at all. That’s how it appears to be.
Something interesting is brought to light (haha, I made a pun) here. The Deluminator, it appears, has more than one use. Of course, this use has never been seen or even made mention in the past, and it doesn’t even make complete sense, given it’s normal usage. Yay JKR BPDs! Those always make me laugh. It’s amazing how much of the plot of these books has to be driven by these BPDs. Not the mark of a good storyteller, let me assure you. Oh, and do you remember the bumps in the night from the beginning of the chapter? Well, that was Ron. Big surprise there. It’s just like Hermione and Harry to run away from what truly scares them. (Remember, you see, that Ron’s departure and return are more important than defeating Voldie.)
One last thing: it certainly is convenient that Ron has a spare wand for Harry. Interesting how these things always seem to work out in books. Well, there you have it, folks. Chapter nineteen, “The Silver Doe,” a.k.a. Why JKR Can’t Write, Part Bajillion. Are we ever going to see the end of this?
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no subject
Date: 2008-01-27 11:59 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-28 01:04 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-28 02:07 am (UTC)Yanno... why not do just that? Make the water warmer? Do you think the sword would repel his touch if he cast a warming charm on himself or the pool? "ARE YOU A WIZARD OR WHAT?" comes to mind.
What, what am I saying? Harry apparently doesn't know any such magic, or at least, didn't in HBP when he swam through cold ocean water and then had to wait for Dumbles to cast the drying spell afterwards.
no subject
Date: 2008-01-28 02:15 am (UTC)This is the problem with creating a world without magical rules. If the hero gets into a crisis, there's no earthly reason for him NOT to cast a spell that would prevent him from suffering.
no subject
Date: 2008-01-28 02:25 am (UTC)I suck at adventure-game puzzle-solving and even I can come up with these ideas. Come on, Harry, honestly.
no subject
Date: 2008-01-28 06:26 am (UTC)Sure there is. Harry can only cast a couple of spells, and I'm pretty sure Impervious isn't one of them. A pity he didn't bring Hermione along to cast it on him. She might have even reminded him to take the One Ring off.
Oh, guess that would spoil Ron's heroic return. No wonder he didn't wake her.
RE:Hermione-Sue How Rowling does love you or should that be herself.
Date: 2008-01-28 01:01 pm (UTC)*******
“It was like a scene out of Romeo and Juliet. He was shouting "Joanne forgive me. I love you." And she was crying and shouting back, "I love you Jorge" Someone called the police, worried for Joanne's safety, and two officers went into the school to diffuse the situation”
IMO this is where screaming out of control Hermione comes from confirming, she is truly a Hermione-Sue. Rowling is in part all of her characters, which is why they are all slightly irrational, given to mood swings and don’t do what is the logical response or within the character’s nature which she set out when she was in a rational mood. She later goes on to bash husband number one further in the Remus/Tonks relationship.
The quote is from Sean Smith's biography of Rowling, this was before she even married the man, which she still went ahead with even though he had clearly shown he was not the marrying type…How thick is Rowling?
I think this is a perfect example even if only partially true of just what a drama Queen Rowling is and why her books suddenly took a nosedive into Mills and Boon/Harlequin plots. She thinks this shit is interesting and drama and how people behave in a relationship.
I knew that DH was CRAP but seeing the book broken down like this has confirmed my worst fears, the book is utter BOLLOCKS to use Jo’s favourite most profound swear word.
But you are all doing a fantastic job, thanks for doing it...
Just one thing can't someone link this to The Leaky Cauldron and Mugglenet sites, it seems so unfair not to spread the word...^_~
Re: Hermione-Sue How Rowling does love you or should that be herself.
Date: 2008-01-29 10:24 am (UTC)Re: Hermione-Sue How Rowling does love you or should that be herself.
Date: 2008-01-29 10:58 am (UTC)Re: Hermione-Sue How Rowling does love you or should that be herself.
Date: 2008-01-29 10:59 am (UTC)Re: Hermione-Sue How Rowling does love you or should that be herself.
Date: 2008-01-29 11:01 am (UTC)Re: Hermione-Sue How Rowling does love you or should that be herself.
Date: 2008-01-29 11:08 am (UTC)Re: Hermione-Sue How Rowling does love you or should that be herself.
Date: 2008-01-29 11:12 am (UTC)Re: Hermione-Sue How Rowling does love you or should that be herself.
Date: 2008-01-29 11:17 am (UTC)Re: Hermione-Sue How Rowling does love you or should that be herself.
Date: 2008-01-29 11:15 am (UTC)The quote is from Sean Smith’s biography of JK Rowling. Smith is a renowned author of books that chronicle events in our times such as When You Walk Through A Storm about the Hillsborough football tragedy. He also comes from Rowling's neck of the woods so has a bit more of an insight into where she came from, he is very fair in his book but not sycophantic.
The quote comes from the chapter that recounts Rowling's first marriage, which is an eye opener to say the least. It would seem that Jo is not beyond doing a Slughorn when she feels like it, certainly about what she contributed to events in her life and I am not just taking Smith’s word for that, there is plenty of evidence to back that claim from things Jo has said recently.
Re: Hermione-Sue How Rowling does love you or should that be herself.
Date: 2008-01-29 11:18 am (UTC)Re: Hermione-Sue How Rowling does love you or should that be herself.
Date: 2008-01-29 11:34 am (UTC)Re: Hermione-Sue How Rowling does love you or should that be herself.
Date: 2008-01-29 11:41 am (UTC)Re: Hermione-Sue How Rowling does love you or should that be herself.
Date: 2008-01-29 11:58 pm (UTC)Rowling occasionally has bouts of objectivity and then litters the book with her bitter experiences forgetting that the world isn't made of her bitter experiences and that her views are tainted by her lack of objectivity so carry no weight, they just become embittered unfair generalization.
no subject
Date: 2008-01-29 10:23 am (UTC)I just had to say that this line slayed me. Couldn't stop laughing! Bravo!