Chapter Twenty-Six -- Gringotts

[gehayi.livejournal.com]

Today's spork is by minkhollow.

***

In which Gringotts appears to have taken advantage of security testing, the Trio did not plan for a bank full of nuns what would happen if they were suspected/caught, and a few of the plot points were cooler the first time people used them.

Chapter Twenty-Six -- Gringotts



So. Starting in the previous chapter, the Trio's been getting insider information on Gringotts from Griphook, for great stealing a probable Horcrux from the Lestranges' vault. A big part of their plan involves Polyjuicing Hermione into Bellatrix.

This? Is actually a remarkably good start, all things considered. Even though they know some of the pitfalls of Polyjuice impersonation coming off the Ministry sneak, this time they know a fair amount about who they're impersonating - and hey, they even have her wand!

Speaking of which, Hermione gets the receiving end of wrong wand existential angst, despite dismissing Harry's as lack of practice earlier. Harry, showing an amazing amount of common sense, opts not to call her on it. Here's a funny thing, though - having Draco's wand seems to have cured Harry of his impotency issues.

The morning they take their leave from Shell Cottage (which, in case you forgot, is by the sea!), Harry briefly muses over the weather before Bella!Hermione heads out. Her disguise work on Ron... leads to two of the dirtiest-sounding lines in the book, actually.

"Okay, Ron, come here so I can do you..."

"Well, he's not my type, but he'll do," said Harry.

I can't make this stuff up. Some of the fandom's more... imaginative minds, certainly, or a lot of May's LJ fuss wouldn't have happened. But not me.

Speaking of May, JKR also makes one of her quasi-sudden time frame leaps in this chapter. I mean, six chapters ago it was January, wasn't it? This really threw me off on the first attempt, since I skimmed right over her attempts in the previous chapter at showing telling the passage of time.

Mostly, I think this bit is one of the more painful symptoms of JKR holding herself to the school-year format when the characters she's focusing on... you know, aren't in school. It'd be one thing if she'd written the 'meanwhile, back at Hogwarts...' adventures most of fandom wants to have read, and occasionally flashed to the Trio on the Nature Trail to Hell. But she didn't, so instead we're stuck with a good ten or fifteen chapters of filler, Department of Backstory, and waiting for the plot to happen. And to think, if she'd let herself write the plot first and the backstory after, the final battle could have been over by Christmas...

Anyway! The disguised (or invisible) Trio Plus Griphook take off for London, where getting into Diagon Alley runs them into their first very plausible stumbling point: Hermione is, inherently, too nice to be Bellatrix. Then again, most people aren't that nasty, which is probably good for the world at large.

...Of course, when the second flaw (that being the surprise addition of a Death Eater to our merry band of travelers) makes itself known, Bella!Hermione has a good go at making up for her early cordiality.

When they reach the bank, Ron Confounds the door guards, and... I just have to say that this was a much, much cooler trick when Obi-Wan Kenobi did it in Star Wars. Considering Hermione basically fills in the gap with "These are not the imposters you are looking for. Move along," I feel this isn't a terribly far-fetched comparison.

Once inside, it turns out the goblins are a little bit better informed than the Trio was expecting them to be. To keep things from getting out of hand, Harry... breaks out the Imperios. Gutsy, Potter, gutsy. I suppose since you were already breaking into a bank and impersonating the targeted vault's owner, you felt you had nothing to lose, hmm?

They get pretty far down into the depths of the bank before the cart dumps them through an enchantment-dispelling waterfall. I have two things to say about this particular bit, the first being that the Trio didn't do their preliminary research as well as they'd thought. I would have been asking Griphook what we might run into if someone in the bank suspected a robbery attempt - hard to adequately prepare for internal defenses if you have no idea what they are.

Second, up to this point, I was honestly wondering if JKR had forgotten how long she had established Polyjuice as lasting, way back in CoS. The Ministry sneak, at the very least, felt like it took more than an hour, yet there was no mention of any of the Trio needing to take in more, and that would have been a perfect opportunity to throw even more wrenches into the works than she did. This isn't the sort of complication that ought to be handwaved out of existence. It could have given her Plot!

They get past a mostly-blind dragon (there will be more about that later) and on to the vault they're after. Once they get to the treasure, though, another epic failure in the Trio's planning comes to light. Here's a question you should have asked, guys: "Are there any charms or curses on the items in vaults that serve as security measures?"

Yeah, about that. Especially when they turn out to be the sort that'll bury you under a pile of hot metal. This and the waterfall bit represent the real flaw in the Trio's plan, I think. Instead of asking what they might be up against and how best to get around that, they asked how to get by the front desk with minimal hassle.

The pile-of-hot-metal business, once the cup they're after turns up on a high shelf, presents a few problems. They have to get the thing down without actually touching it, or anything else in the vault. Harry suggests hooking a handle with the Incredible Horcrux-Killing Sword, after someone levitates him up high enough to reach it.

...Here's my question about that, though. Why not levitate Harry within reach of the cup - so he can run it through with the sword? Just because a vertical stroke is probably out of the question, in light of the shelving, doesn't mean a horizontal stroke wouldn't do. And if a few other things get smashed along the way... well, they already snuck into the vault, so how much more would they have to lose?

But this is Rowlingland (where common sense is optional, if not outright discouraged), and more specifically it's Harry's brain. Applying logic to the problem was my first mistake.

Once the cup's down from the shelf, anyway, Griphook shows he's a far sneakier bastard than the Trio expected him to be. Making off with the sword, calling attention to the impostors the bank authorities have probably been looking for since the Trio came in, and getting it all done without the people he helped sneak in ever suspecting... it's an admirable piece of work, in its way. You'd think at least one of those kids would know seven books later to be careful about precisely who they were trusting, but there I go thinking again.

(The back of my mind, now that I think of it, is making me wonder what that multiplication charm could have meant for the Horcrux. If JKR really wanted to complicate people's lives, she could have had the cup clone itself exactly, Voldiesoul and all. Our dear evil overlord probably would have had a real blast with being pulled into hundreds more pieces than he ever expected.

It may be just as well she didn't, though, since no one had time to stick around and chop up every last cup. Particularly with Griphook making off with the sword.)

In between trying to fend off the bank authorities - and bellowing again, which he really doesn't have the body type to be doing - Harry opens the chains on the dragon and gets the Trio on it before it realizes it's free to take off.

First, the spell Hermione's using to help their escape threw me for a loop. Aren't there other spells that could have exploded the passageway or gouged it out or something? Why introduce a new one? (If I'm too confused for this to hold water, do let me know.) And also, I apparently wasn't hallucinating when I remembered 'relashio' being set to multiple purposes. PICK AN EFFECT AND STICK TO IT.

Second? When the unit of escape is or is steered by the visually impaired, whether for the actual getaway or not, it's going to remind me of the end of Sneakers. And it will probably pale in comparison to Whistler driving. I don't care if there's a dragon involved in this case, Whistler's cooler!

And for all the various bits of this chapter that reminded me of the film (rent it, if you're not familiar; it's lovely) have left me with the mental image of James Earl Jones scowling and saying, "We are the Ministry of Magic. We don't do that sort of thing!"... I think I would have much preferred to read something new. Granted, I do like that the Trio's plan goes to hell in a handbasket on them, but I've seen it before and this version has 100% less Angry Ben Kingsley.

(...'course, Cosmo could outthink old Moldyshorts any day of the week.)

Comments

[cacopheny.livejournal.com]

I totally don't have the energy or brainpower to read this tonight, but I have to say you win for the obscure Bare Naked Ladies reference.

Will actually read the post in the morning. Just wanted to cheer on the BNL ref.

[minkhollow]

::bows:: Once I saw how little planning the Trio got up to, the comparison was obvious.

[smurasaki.livejournal.com]

What was the point of having Griphook's help if they weren't going to ask him about the bank's defenses? Of course, I also have this suspicion that if they hadn't planned to betray Griphook, he might have been more helpful and not betrayed them. We might not have a good idea of what wizards are capable of, but what other magical creatures are capable of is a complete mystery. He might well have known their deal was a fraud from the start.

And you're so right about the stupidity of stealing something you're just going to destroy...with the item that could be used to destroy it. *headdesk*

(Mmm...must go watch Sneakers now. ^_^)

[minkhollow]

Well, we've already established there's no method to their madness - only madness. You make a good point about the chance that Griphook knew what they were up to the whole time. I find it quite likely that whether he knew or not, he didn't trust them as far as he could throw them, and planned accordingly.
My mental image of the cup, never mind the book's claims to the contrary, never includes handles. It tends to come across as one of those... I think they're called pilsner glasses? The tall ones for beer that're wider near the top? (Don't mind me, it's Late.) In any case, Harry's grand plan would've been that much grander if he would've taken the action then, rather than just make off with the thing and let Ron and Hermione take the action later.
(I need to re-watch it myself... if only to fuel the damn Highly Improbable Crossover this thing started. gehayi and I should not be allowed to plot. XD)

[loopyloonyluna.livejournal.com]

Well, aside from destroying the Horcrux on-site being too good an idea, it would save Ron from having his bizarre and previously impossible moment of glory in later chapters. Can't have that, can we?

[minkhollow]

He got one of those on the Nature Trail to Hell, though. (I'll grant that the other's without the benefit of Harry being Incredibly Dumb first, but still.)

[nixitall.livejournal.com]

Anybody else sorta feel bad for that dragon? All old and faded, chained up in a dungeon... I guess the Wizarding World doesn't have an SPCA.

Good Sporkage, Harry and all the Imperio-ing drove me nuts. I think there were probably some other options he could have tried first. Also, being as it is an Unforgivable and difficult to perform, he might have had to try a few times to get it right? This is the same boy who took for-flippin-ever to get Accio!

[gehayi.livejournal.com]

I felt VERY sorry for the dragon. Goblins are sick puppies when it comes to training dragons. Look at this line:

"The dragon let out another hoarse roar, then retreated. Harry could see it trembling, and as they drew nearer he saw the scars made by vicious slashes across its face, and guessed it had been taught to fear hot swords when it heard the sound of the Clankers."

Hot swords. They torture dragons with HOT. SWORDS.

Is it quite all right if I got be sick now?

[nixitall.livejournal.com]

Okay, I knew there was another example of worse things they did to him, but I couldn't think of it last night.

The thing of it is, if she's trying to make a point at how much meaner goblins are than wizards, she failed. Harry doesn't react to seeing the dragon's scars other than to describe it. He has no sympathy for it at all. Nice.

[gehayi.livejournal.com]

Harry has no affect, period. The only thing keeping him from being the next Dark Lord is his own incompetence.

I have a friend who's recently bestowed a ton of Pern novels on me. You have no clue how much worse this chapter sounds after learning about Pernese dragons and the reverence with which they're treated.

[minkhollow]

If they do, it's a Society for Protection from Cruel Animals, rather than the other way round. Given the sort of creatures Hagrid goes 'oh, he's harmless, really!' about, and the attitude toward the benevolent sentient non-humans, that... would not surprise me.

[nixitall.livejournal.com]

Wouldn't surprise me either. Hagrid is the only one in the books who seems to care about animals' well being. Maybe its that vicious giant blood of his.

[smurasaki.livejournal.com]

Perhaps he was reduced to comic relief not just because of the movies but because he made everyone less look so very bad. There were times when he wasn't quite right about the "harmless" critter, but he was never completely wrong. It left me with the impression that half the problem people had with some creatures was that they were horrid to them.

[jodel-from-aol.livejournal.com]

T^He strain of casual cruelty to animals runs through toe series from book 1.

Only consider the subjects of the failed transfiguration class exercises. (Or the successful ones, for that matter.) To say nothing of Gred and Forge.

[marionros.livejournal.com]

Hagrid is actually very cruel to animals. He's the epitomy (sp?) of the Bad Animalowner. You know the kind; the Hoarder, the Collector, the Idot Who Thinks Their Dogs Are Human And So Doesn't Train Them Properly So When A Three-year-old Tries To Pet It The Pet Tries To Establish Rank In The Only Way It Knows How (By 'Gently Nipping The Child In The Neck' Which Translates As 'Dead Child') They Will Blubber 'It's Perfectly Harmless' And 'It Didn't Mean It' When The Dog Has To Be Put Down.

I hate Hagrid. Okay, I hate just about every character in Rowlind Land. But I hate Hagrid because he is stupid and because he is exactly the kind of person who should never, ever be allowed to have pets.

If I didn't think that Rowling simply doesn't have the brains or sophistication to actually read Literature, I'd suspect that she'd stolen Hagrid from Steinbeck's 'Of Mice and Men'; he's a near copy of Lennie Small.

It has been suggested (I think by Swythyv, but I'm not sure) that the 'strays' that Dumbledore picks up during his life (Lupin, Hagrid, Snape) are an reconstruction of his familylife. Lupin has a 'hidden disease' like Ariana and he, like Ariana, is hidden away during his 'attacks'. Hagrid is rather stupid and has a pet obsession and Double D is convinced (or tries to convince himself) that Aberforth was rather dim ("I don't know if he could read") with an obsession for goats (the real Aberforth, in contrast with the Aberforth in Double D's head, is rather intelligent, caring and practical).
Snape, of course, is (in DD's head) DD's feared mirror image. DD tried to explain his murdering of his sister on his own ambition and so, when he became Headmaster (but even when he was a teacher, I suspect), very subtly undermined Slytherin House, which is, after all, the House of Ambition. Far be it for DD to look *inside himself* for the fault. Far better to attack the 'source of all evil' *outside himself*.
Children very quickly catch on which way the wind is blowing. The other Houses would very quickly be convinced of Slytherin's 'inherent evil' and (in the case of Gryffindor) of their own supposed 'inherent good'.
No wonder that Voldemort found Slytherin such fertile recruiting ground.

And so DD was relentless towards Snape who, with his brilliance, seemed most like himself (in DD head of course. The two characters couldn't be more different if you'd tried), subjected Lupin to a kind of half-life (allowing him into school so he could be a wizard, yet after graduation leaving the boy to fetch for himself, which he can't, yet also cutting him off from whatever werewolf culture there is. Is there such a thing as werewolf culture? Do they help eachother? Do they learn tricks to survive in the WW? )

As for Hagrid; DD keeps the petloving idiot around, rather like a pet himself. Countless of Hagrid-pets must've suffered from his bumbling 'loving', but then DD makes him a teacher! The result is rather predictable: like Steinbeck's Lennie, he innocently (or not so innocently - Hagrid is not above spouting his Master's prejudices about Slytherins) harms humans. Draco nearly gets killed in his very first lesson (and don't tell me 'it's just a scratch'; it is described as 'blood everywhere' and the kid had to spend serious time in the infirmary)

Hermione is so lucky that Hagrid never wanted to pet her hair...

Where a neckshot when you need one?

[minkhollow]

I really like the strays theory. It... makes rather a lot of sense.

[erastes.livejournal.com]

What always amazed me is why the Unforgiveables weren't "taboo" but that's the trouble with JKR's world, there are no limits which makes for silliness everywhere. And there's no punishment for Harry for this either, but of course its all for the Greater Good, so it's all right if it's being done for that, or to BAD PEOPLE. *headdesk*

I'd never heard of Sneakers before this sporking, so I'll have to check it out.

Excellent spork!

[minkhollow]

Thanks!
I strongly suspect anyone who's seen Hot Fuzz, at least, took the 'Greater Good' business with a grain of salt (if not the whole shaker). Other people played with the concept before that, true, but that film's a pretty recent take on the matter.

[loopyloonyluna.livejournal.com]

Taboo Unforgivables would be a good idea, but I expect too many DEs use them and snatchers would have to be popping all over Great Britain. More fundamentally it would require too much consistency and might have a chance at actually working, both of which are big no-nos for JKR.

All this for the Greater Good nonsense made me sick to my stomach. Either stick to your silly premise that the Unforgivables or other dark spells are bad all the way around, or make all the spells good or bad versed on intent which makes a lot more sense anyway.

I saw Sneakers ages ago and it was a blast. Enjoy!

[minkhollow]

Well, before the Death Eater administration, even. Or after, only word probably got out that Harry had used Unforgivables in the name of the Greater Good... But either way, one would think someone would have tried to track use of the things.
But thinking is where we make our first mistake in this equation.

[delphinapterus.livejournal.com]

Wonderful spork I love all the reference you put in and the brackets. Your point about the eaisier way to deal with the cup is so logical. Saying they asked to get to the front desk instead of the security was great way to phrase it.

[fishinginthemud.livejournal.com]

Why not levitate Harry within reach of the cup - so he can run it through with the sword?

Because then every Horcrux wouldn't have been destroyed by a different person, and that would have mattered somehow. Also, Ron had only gotten a moment of bravery at that point, not intelligence, so he was due.